


Wolves At The Door

by LadyBrooke



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Family Secrets, Gen, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21811684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBrooke/pseuds/LadyBrooke
Summary: Finarfin flees with his secrets to Alqualondë.
Relationships: Eärwen/Finarfin | Arafinwë
Kudos: 28





	Wolves At The Door

Finarfin leaves Tirion as soon as he is old enough. He does not take any guards with him. His father cannot insist on any, because Finarfin leaves as the light wanes, sneaking from his bed and claiming he has merely gone to visit elsewhere in the city.

His father learns the next day from a letter that Finarfin has left to go see Olwë. Finwë does not know that Finarfin has left without guards until he is half way to Alqualondë.

All of this is the least of the things Finarfin has not told his father, and he tries to not feel guilty when worried letters arrive from both of his parents.

One goes to Olwë, the other to Finarfin, who reads it and then folds the tearstained paper to keep under his own tearstained pillow.

("I have known your parents for years. They would not abandon you." Olwë looks at him, as Finarfin drips water onto the floor.

"It does not matter. Things are different here - none of your people see it as a sign of marring. They already talk about Miríel and Fëanáro in Tirion, if they knew I was… Atar is the King. He cannot defend two marred sons, however different their perceived marrings. They would start to look at Nolofinwë too." This is how it must be. Finarfin knows his parents' marriage is fracturing from stress. He will not bring more.

"Neither you or your brother are marred, and your father would give up his crown for his children," Olwë says. There is something that reminds Finarfin of pity in his expression. His brothers would run from such. Finarfin clings to the hope that this will be enough to be allowed to stay. 

The guilt grows in Finarfin's stomach, along with doubt he does not give a name. His father does love him as much as his siblings, he thinks to himself. He is just removing a problem for his father, not ensuring his father cannot prove his love less for the last and least suitable of his sons.

"He cannot be permitted to do so. That's why I'm here.")

He is still different in Alqualondë, of course. There are swans and seals here, and little room for him.

But they make room, and nobody mentions his secrets when his parents come to visit.

There is one moment at dinner when Olwë brings up his own parents that Finarfin thinks is a begging to Olwë telling, but in the end he does not.

("Do you remember that time when my mother turned-" Olwë begins.

Finarfin sees his mother's lips tighten.

Finwë glances at the open door. None of the other Noldor are there, and Finarfin can almost cry with relief at such. His parents might still accept him. The others will not. "I do. Is there a reason you being this up now?"

Eärwen's hand on his wrist is the only thing that keeps Finarfin at the table, as he tenses and readies to dash out the door, fleeing into the night before they can even say a word of dismay.

Olwë smiles. It appears real - it might even fool his parents - but Finarfin knows it is not. "I was merely reminiscing. Ulmo does not hold the same concerns as his brethren, I had forgotten that you would not wish to mention such."

His father smiles at that, bringing up Elmo and Elu trying to catch a bear, and conversation moves on. Finarfin pretends to drink his wine, gulping in a breath behind the rim of his glass and willing his hands to not tremble. 

Olwë sends a message with Eärwen that night. Finarfin may stay as long as he wishes.

Finarfin does not think he will ever leave, especially when Eärwen takes him to the cliff the next day and shows him how she flies off of it.)

Finrod is born soon after their marriage.

Finarfin hopes- begs- pleads into the darkness, because he cannot plead to the Valar and let them know - that Finrod will take after his mother, if he takes after either of them.

Finrod does not take after Eärwen.

Finarfin does not let his son out of his sight until after Finrod is old enough to understand.

("I do not think Turukáno would judge me for it," Finrod says, kicking his feet against the sand as he waves goodbye to Fingolfin and his family.

Finarfin's heart beats faster at this. "You did not tell him, did you?"

"No, Atar," Finrod says.

"Good." Finarfin smiles, continuing to wave.

"Findekáno said Tyelcormo thinks wolves are cool. May I tell him?" Finrod asks a moment later.

"No," Finarfin nearly shouts, before he takes a breath. "I am sorry, Findaráto. I should not have yelled. But you must not tell anyone from my side of the family."

Finrod looks at his father, lip quivering, before he nods. "I'm sorry, Atar."

The guilt grows again, as Finarfin wishes to give his son the world and instead gives him bitter legacies and secrets.)

"I shall follow Fëanáro," Fingolfin says at their last meeting.

Finarfin looks at his children. They are old enough now to make their own decisions. He does not need to protect them anymore.

He cannot go to Alqualondë either.

He cannot face them today, when his family has slaughtered the ones who accepted him.

"I will stay." Finarfin does not say all the things he wants to, does not scream his secret at his brother before he leaves.

Fingolfin does not know until he watches a tapestry unfold in the Halls centuries later, their father's gasp of realization filling the room as they see Finrod fight and fall.

("Let me face them alone," Finrod says.

Beren shakes his head. "It is my quest."

"It is my promise," Finrod responds. "And I am my father's truest heir. They may kill me, but I shall take them with me."

In the darkness, Finrod's teeth shift, canines growing to match the ones attacking him.

He will not let himself go all the way, but before Beren, Finarfin's secret is known.)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 100 words of guilt prompt on FFA.


End file.
